Alright, the Song dynasty drama is over. Let’s turn the camera to the northern grasslands. Legend says there were two brothers, and the elder one had three eyes. They were the ancestors of the Mongols. Wait, that story is too old. Let’s just start with Genghis Khan.
Genghis Khan was not Genghis Khan in the beginning. When he was born, his father had just captured an enemy tribe leader named Temujin. So he named his newborn son Temujin. If that leader had been called Spongebob, the boy would have been called Spongebob too.
Spongebob grew up and defeated all the other tribes, organizing them into a single entity. One day, all the chieftains came together and granted him a new title. From that day on, he was no longer Spongebob. He was Genghis Khan.
He and his sons went on to build the largest empire in human history. Once, he sat down with his generals and asked, what is best in life? After listening to their answers, Genghis Khan gave his own: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
Genghis Khan had four sons. Okay, this is going to take forever. This series is about Chinese history so we’re going to skip forward a bit. After an election, his grandson Kublai became the new Khan. The nobles didn’t like that result. They accused Kublai of rigging the election. So Kublai said, fine, I’m going to go build my own empire, with blackjack and hookers.
Kublai did not forget about the empire. He founded the Yuan dynasty. The problem was that life on the grasslands and life in the palace were not compatible. Kublai wanted to preserve the traditional Mongolian way, but he also wanted to adopt the Chinese way. For the hundred years of the Yuan dynasty, they never succeeded.
Their policies caused a lot of problems. The tax rate was so high that a farmer would get into debt. They even outsourced tax collection to loan sharks. Inflation went through the roof because they kept printing money. On the bright side, Chinese scholars who were banned from government had a lot of free time to write poetry.
After a hundred years of palace life, the Mongol royals became domesticated. Their ancestors were tigers and lions. They were Garfield. When Zhu Yuanzhang finally rebelled, it took him less than a year to drive the Mongols out. Then the Mongols fled back to the grasslands.