How to Comment on Social Media

By Zhenyi Tan

Rebecca Solnit (via Kottke):

1) Do not read the whole original post or what it links to, which will dilute the purity of your response and reduce your chances of rebuking the poster for not mentioning anything they might’ve mentioned/written a book on/devoted their life to. Listening/reading delays your reaction time, and as with other sports, speed is of the essence.

2) All of the O.P.’s feelings, experiences, interpretations, and values should be in the first sentence anyway. Only fascists hide those things in militarized outposts throughout the terrain of the piece. Which are basically ambushes. Which is violent and elitist.


9) Which is why the person who said, or rather typed, offhandedly “people should bike more” really means all people need to bike everywhere under all circumstances and is callously indifferent to people who: live in Siberia and can’t bike through -40 blizzards; are physically unable to cycle; can’t afford bikes; and let us not forget those who have bicycle-related trauma. Which is why anyone who could say “people should bike more” is a fascist who needs crushing.

As a child, I loved chikuwa. One day at the school canteen, I ate so many chikuwa that I ended up vomiting. I rarely eat chikuwa now. I have chikuwa-related trauma, so you shouldn’t post anything related to chikuwa without providing a content warning.

17) Words are elitist, so I’ll stop here.

18) Those who read this should never believe it applies to them.