Recently, we ran out of good breakfast options. McDonald’s is getting expensive and unhealthy. Economy beehoon is all carbs. Nasi lemak is too fatty. Plus, that auntie gets our order wrong 9 times out of 10.
A friend suggested oatmeal. My wife said she hates oatmeal because of how her mom used to cook it for her. We don’t know what her mom did, but it was disgusting. Still, my wife said, “If you’re willing to eat oatmeal with me, I’ll be OK.”
Oh no.
I don’t hate oatmeal.
I have oatmeal PTSD.
Years ago, when I had my wisdom teeth removed, the dentist told me to eat soft foods to let the holes heal. I asked my friend Arun for advice, and he said that after his surgery, his mom prepared curry and rice for him. He suggested I try the same.
Are you kidding me?
Hard rice??
With spicy curry???
I decided to ignore everything Arun said.
At the time, I was living alone, renting a room in a house with no kitchen. So I bought instant oatmeal. I checked Google Images and saw people putting bananas, apples, and berries in theirs. Two problems: I thought those would be too hard to chew, and there wasn’t enough protein.
I tried to think of alternatives. Oatmeal looks like Chinese congee. What do people add to congee for protein? Right. Raw eggs. With soy sauce, for taste. So I tried that with my oatmeal. It was… edible.
I ate that yellow snot for a whole month. After one week, I could no longer taste anything. I tried not looking down while eating. And I tried to think about happier things, like work. Then I started having dreams about yellow things. In the end, what came out looked exactly like what went in.
I haven’t touched oatmeal since then. But my wife is looking at oatmeal recipes now. We’ll probably go to the supermarket tomorrow. Please send me thoughts and prayers.